Monday, March 5, 2007

Ego Aside, Will You Marry You?

don't
really have time to write nowadays (it's not that i'm too occupied with
work..huhuhu), but just wanna share this eye-opening article about
MARRIAGE with everyone. worth your time, so please read. word by word.
especially for those who are thinking about marriage. and yes,
commitment phobics.

Assalamaualikum wa rahamtullahi wa barakatuh
& BissmiAllah ar-rahmaan ar-raheem.




One of the first things that most people think about when preparing for or
thinking about marriage, are the characteristics or qualities of the person
they would like to marry. Some people think about how they want their potential
husband or wife to look - perhaps they think about such things as hair and skin
color. Some men may look for a wife who is an excellent cook, and some women
may look for a husband who is very religious.




Many Muslims nowadays look for a wife or husband that is conversant in the
Arabic language, or someone that is at least a student of Arabic. Nonetheless,
most people, Muslims included, seem to go to great lengths to make elaborate
lists, either on paper or in their minds, about all the things they want or
expect from their potential husband or wife. And while this is good and perhaps
a very necessary part of the marriage search, few people ever sit down, and
with the same purposefulness and care, enumerate their own qualities and
characteristics or think about whether they, themselves, are the kind of people
that someone else with just as high expectations or ideals would want to marry.




Think outside of yourself for a moment: If you were someone else, would you marry you?
I don't mean you, as you would like to see yourself weeks, months or even years
from now. Nor do I mean you as you imagine yourself after you have had a chance
to change a few of your bad habits, improve your character, fix yourself up, or
you after you begin to practice your religion more seriously. I mean you, as you are TODAY.

I believe that if some people were to be completely honest with themselves,
they would have to admit that they, themselves, do not possess the kind of
qualities or characteristics they would want in a husband or wife. Perhaps we
all know of someone like this? Possibly a relative, a best friend or maybe this
person is YOU. For two people who are experienced at it, marriage, at best, can
be difficult. It requires patience, diplomacy, perseverance, flexibility,
wisdom, and endurance, just to name a few things.




Does this mean that if someone does not possess ALL of these qualities they
should not get married? No, I don't mean to say this. However, there are people
that I have come across that are in a desperate race to get married; while at
the same time they possess characteristics of selfishness, stubbornness,
inflexibility, insensitivity, and ingratitude. They are overly critical of
other people while at the same time they have difficulty accepting criticism of
themselves. And they have poor communication skills. On top of all of that,
they may be in denial and won't face up to the fact that they have a *few*
personality defects to iron out before getting married. Do any of these
characteristics describe you or someone you know that is looking for a wife or
a husband? Has anyone ever told YOU that you possess any of these
characteristics?




Marriage is so serious an affair that I would dare say that if someone looking
to get married possesses some or all of these qualities, they may be headed for
big trouble. Or, should I say anyone that marries a person like this might be
in very, very big trouble? The question then becomes: Does a person who
possesses these kinds of shortcomings have to wait years before getting
married? I would say the answer is no. Someone like this doesn't have to wait
years to get married. Allah, The Sublime, says in the Quran that He will never
change the condition of a people until they first change what is inside of
them. This"ayat" offers hope - hope of a new tomorrow. Isn't that what most
people want? They want to know that whatever difficulties they are facing
today, a change is on the horizon for tomorrow. However, it does not only offer
hope. It offers hope on a condition. That condition is that we have to take the
first step to recognize that we have a problem and then do something about it.
Keep prayin' to god..Can a man who is a drunk ever become sober unless he recognizes that he has a
problem? And can a man that is insensitive, inflexible, stubborn, ungrateful,
rigid, and selfish ever be a good husband?




Someone who is in denial about their faults will never be able to change their
negative pattern of behavior until they first recognize and ADMIT that they
have a problem. Once you can admit that you have a problem, the next step is to
begin working diligently and consistently on your problem or negative
characteristics.




The key words here are working diligently AND consistently. As any doctor will
tell you, a patient has to be diligent and consistent about taking their
medicine in order to see good results. Couple this prescription that Allah
gives us in the Quran with prayer and strong faith, InsyaAllah, you can
overcome any problem.

If after taking a good long, honest look at yourself in the mirror you cannot honestly say that you would make a good husband or wife in your present condition, then before you pick up the pen to enumerate a list of all the fine qualities you are looking for in a wife or husband, instead, why not list some of the qualities that you need to work on, and then embark on a program to change these bad qualities so that someday soon when Allah does bless you with a good wife or husband you will be worthy of such a person? 




After all, isn't the divorce rate high enough already?




Love is a force that uplifts and inspires mankind. Children starve without it.
Men and Women wither and decay when it is lacking. Yet it costs nothing, it's value can not be measured by material standards.  

 

I’m getting married soon… Alhamdulillah =) !!

just my 2cents at 1:45 AM |

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