Sunday, January 28, 2007

the only way to have a friend is to be one

whaddup
guys (i'm not using heyya guys anymore for security purpose..hehe). still
feelin' under the weather, but at least there are no more headache and
chestpains. okay, i'm gonna write somethin' a little bit serious (uuuu) this
time. a good friend of mine brought up the term "platonic friendship"
in our conversation, and i feel encouraged to write somethin' along this line,
about "friendship".

how do you define platonic friendship? according
to the urban dictionary, platonic means:
"an emotinally and socially intimate, non-sexual relationship, often
between two men. attributed to the greek philosopher plato, who deemed platonic
friendships to be the most evolved type of love." and "The state in
which two people share no or little emotional attachment, and partake in
activities of a sexual nature."

so basically platonic means pure, passionless
and nonsexual relationsip between two people. i know
the definition mentioned "between two men", but i'm sure it can also
apply to both sexes. there are many kinds of friendship, from the way i see it.
this is only my opinion, i might be wrong...bare with me ok.

i) homies/buddies/close friends/platonic friends :
these guys are your soulmates. your close friends for life. they're tight and
cool with you. you put these guys in "a special section" in you msn
and yahoo messenger list. the ones who hang out with you all the time, no
matter how boring you are. the ones who stick to you no matter how you do in
life, the ones who listen to your problems even though they have enough of
their own. these guys know all your deepest secrets, and can use it anytime to
make fun of you. they seem to be the only people who understand your lame
jokes, have the same opinion on everything and stick with you forever. there
might be a typical misconception when two guys are too close with each other,
people would tease them as a "gay couple" but for girls, they would
see the relationsip as "sisters".

when "homies" or close friends hang out, they don't need to talk
much. as perfectly described in this quote:

 "true
friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable." - Dave
Tyson Gentry 

just being in the presence of each other would make them comfortable and
somewhat "secured". do you see the streotype "homies" in
the  united states, usually african americans, they just
ride together in a convertible car, listen to the loud hip music and don't
really talk much. some people can't stand to be alone and they need company all
the time,
whatever that means. they need someone to talk, to laugh, to gossip, to analyze
and to share problems with. oh, and it's not sexual at all, of course.

ii) friends with benefits : this is a
higher level than the traditional "friends" we know. these people
(mostly both from the opposite sex) know, like, trust, and hang out with the
other friend, but (there's a catch!) they slept together as well. this might be
a shock to some people (i'm not underestimating anybody), but if you guys are
familiar with the series "sex and the city", this kind of relationship
do exist, even in  malaysia.
a guy and a girl, both not in a relationship would find it
"acceptable" to sleep together, as long as there's no commitment
involved. for them, as long their feelings are not hurt, they would be okay.
it's purely sexual right? and it's not like they're gonna raise a baby or
something serious like that..

iii) traditonal friends : practically the same
with "close friends", but in a lower degree in terms of intimacy and
attention. these guys support, sympathize and share all your problems, pretty
much the same with close friends. these guys are the ones in your msn &
yahoo messenger list. how can you tell when two guys are tight? when they start
callin' each other names, mostly obscene and offensive words, hehe. these are
the guys who play soccer and basketball with you every day, and hang out with
you at kedai mamak, laughing our asses off all night long. ALL THAT STUFF
(activities), together with your homies. let's say in a small group of friends,
like 8, there are still gonna be a smaller group. the one you can trust with
all your heart. not the whole group, right?

iv) the-not-so-comfortable friends : when you're
studying in a school or a university, with many compatriots around, and some
guys from your batch, there are still gonna some people who are just not
comfortable with you. not that it's a bad thing. they just don't click. these
guys would sometimes hang out with you, in a big group of course, but when you
guys are totally alone, you have no idea what to say. you're simply clueless,
and you would be thinking all the time, what question you're gonna ask next to
avoid this uncomfortable silence. we couldn't understand each other's jokes,
but we pretend to laugh anyway. we have them in our msn & yahoo messenger
list, but we NEVER chat with them.

v) acquaintance : these guys just know you by
name. sometimes they don't even know your last name, where are you from, and
yeah, they don't give a damn. these are the people whom you met in the streets,
say hi (just to be polite) and you can just go on with your life. thse guys
usually are not in you msn & yahoo list, but for guys, they might wanna
include girls they hardly know..hehe..

vi)
compatriot : an acquaintance from your own country. definitely
not in your chat list. especially in the overseas (US,  UK, australia, germany, etc), these malaysian
students who came across you while travelling or shopping. they don't know your
name, but still can have a good conversation with you, since we're all from the
same country. they usually gonna start with the same sentence, "eh
melayu ke?", not to confuse with indonesians or mexicans. then, the
next questions would be, "dari mana ni?" or "study kat
mana?"...

but that brings up to the question, can a guy and a girl be friends, i
mean, really be friends? remember the classic chick flick, when harry met sally
starring billy crystal (harry burns) and meg ryan (sally albright) discussing
about this very topic. this is one of the memorable quotes in the movie (taken
from imdb):

harry burns: you realize of course that we could never be friends.

sally
albright: why not?

harry
burns: what i'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form
– is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

sally
albright: that's not true. i have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

harry
burns: no you don't.

sally
albright: yes i do.

harry
burns: no you don't.

sally
albright: yes i do.

harry
burns: you only think you do.

sally
albright: you say i'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

harry
burns: no, what i'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.

sally
albright: they do not!

harry
burns: do too.

sally
albright: they do not.

harry
burns: do too.

sally
albright: how do you know?

harry
burns: because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. he always
wants to have sex with her.

sally
albright: so, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds
unattractive?

harry
burns: no. you pretty much want to nail 'em too.

sally
albright: what if they don't want to have sex with you?

harry
burns: doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the
friendship is ultimately
doomed and that is the end of the story.

sally
albright: well, i guess we're not going to be friends then.

harry
burns: i guess not.

sally
albright: that's too bad. you were the only person i knew in new york

scary eh? what do you guys think? personally i think, of course guys and
girls can be friends. the culture in  Malaysia is totally
different with the states, although nowadays we're slowly transferring into
their "civilized" culture. in Malaysia, it's not
"normal" to sleep with your best friend and blame it on the alcohol.
it's not normal to have a "friends-with-benefits" relationship,
because it's just plain wrong right? hehe..kinda like that idea
though...wahahahaha enough of my ramblings, i'm writing this while i'm still
sick...so yeah, i need to take my medication now..

laters! i'm out.

 

just my 2cents at 8:22 PM |

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