Thursday, April 5, 2012
We can't control others
Most of us love to be in the driving seat, including the indecisive people. We love to be able to predict what is going to happen. And whenever we have a chance, we will try to make things go our way. This behavior of ours has directly (or indirectly) instilled a bad habit in us – the habit of asserting control on the life of others.
Parents love to control their children and dictate what are the things they watch, play, read and do. Teachers love to control their students by making sure the students are doing the right homework, in the right format, using the right colors and the right books. Managers love to control their teams, so they start to make sure the team members are using the correct tools, the right technologies, the right processes and some of them also make sure the team members work a full 8 hours a day (punch cards! man, i hate those stuff).
And when things start to go beyond our control.. we tend to freak out and panic.
But there’s one thing that all of us need to realize. Things like this (getting out of control) do happen and the fact is, we just cannot control others as much as we were hoping we could. When we control, we want others to change to the way we think it’s the best for them.. and for us. But trying to change someone is just like trying to row a boat against the current. The more you try to force through, the more difficult it will become (that’s why some kids are very rebellious).
So the best thing to do is either to accept people for who they are, or take one step at a time. Small changes are easier to make than the big ones. Make the change an incremental one. And if possible, lead by example. Walk the talk. And one last thing, which is the most important, just learn to accept the fact that you just cannot fully control others.
You cannot, and you should not.
p/s: most often than not, creativity is related to chaos because both come from having freedom. This shows the importance of giving up control on others from time to time, and giving them the freedom they need. What we need to do then, is to make sure the energy is channeled to the right place..
Parents love to control their children and dictate what are the things they watch, play, read and do. Teachers love to control their students by making sure the students are doing the right homework, in the right format, using the right colors and the right books. Managers love to control their teams, so they start to make sure the team members are using the correct tools, the right technologies, the right processes and some of them also make sure the team members work a full 8 hours a day (punch cards! man, i hate those stuff).
And when things start to go beyond our control.. we tend to freak out and panic.
But there’s one thing that all of us need to realize. Things like this (getting out of control) do happen and the fact is, we just cannot control others as much as we were hoping we could. When we control, we want others to change to the way we think it’s the best for them.. and for us. But trying to change someone is just like trying to row a boat against the current. The more you try to force through, the more difficult it will become (that’s why some kids are very rebellious).
So the best thing to do is either to accept people for who they are, or take one step at a time. Small changes are easier to make than the big ones. Make the change an incremental one. And if possible, lead by example. Walk the talk. And one last thing, which is the most important, just learn to accept the fact that you just cannot fully control others.
You cannot, and you should not.
p/s: most often than not, creativity is related to chaos because both come from having freedom. This shows the importance of giving up control on others from time to time, and giving them the freedom they need. What we need to do then, is to make sure the energy is channeled to the right place..
Labels: Current Affairs
just my 2cents at 12:24 AM |
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