Sunday, August 3, 2008
To win in marriage, learn to lose
What’s the most important thing or aspect in a relationship? I’m referring to any kind of possible relationship here; marriage; boyfriend-girlfriend, boyfriend-boyfriend, girlfriend-girlfriend, friendship, etc.
When it comes to this topic, the common answers that I get are:
LOVE. PASSION. HONESTY. CHEMISTRY. DESIRE. COMPASSION. TRUE LOVE.
But the number 1 answer would be:
TRUST.
Is it true? The most crucial aspect to make a relationship work is trust? Well I don’t know.
For the purpose of this topic, let’s have a hypothetical couple named “Laila” and “Majnun”. Okay, Laila and Majnun were both hopelessly in love. From the first time Laila laid her sexy deep eyes (saje jer aku tambah nih, nak kasi dramatik sikit) on Majnun, she just knew at the moment, Majnun is the ONE. The one man she wanna spend the rest of her life with. The one man who would hold her tight every night and tell her everything is gonna be alright. After a few years, when they both think they’re ready to take it to another level, Majnun proposed. Laila gladly accepted and they both got married in the most beautiful wedding you could ever imagine. Now they are the proud parents of 3 adorable kids. Laila trusted Majnun wholeheartedly, and vice versa. Laila trusted Majnun wouldn’t have another person in his life, and vice versa. In short, they trust each other so much that it’s almost impossible one of them gonna cheat.
Or so she thought.
But what if one of them does cheat and the spouse have no freakin’ idea about it? Majnun was working long hours in a highly reputable multinational company, therefore working late was a norm. Laila didn’t suspect anything, because she trusted him. TRUST. But little did she know that Majnun stop by at a high-class condo almost every single night (except weekends) just to be with his much younger girlfriend. Not to mention Majnun’s frequent business trips to overseas, where Majnun brought his young mistress for naughty honeymoon trips.
Years gone by and Laila still had no freaking clue about her husband’s scandals. After a decade, Majnun already had 7 different girlfriends and numerous one-night-stands. But the thing is, Majnun is the most wonderful husband you could ever have. He’s incredibly sweet, romantic, thoughtful and great with the kids. Every weekend, Majnun would spend quality time with his family in a beach resort somewhere. In the eyes of Laila, he’s the perfect husband. And in the eyes of Laila and the kids, he’s the perfect father. They’re just one perfect happy family.
Decades gone by, Laila and Majnun raised their kids to be a highly successful corporate manager, a top surgeon in the country and a renowned architect. They were blessed to have beautiful and well-behaved grandchildren. Life can’t get any better than that eh? Until her death, Laila still had no clue of her husband’s scandals. And she never will. Until her very last breath, she thought she was the luckiest person on earth to have a perfect husband like Majnun.
So is TRUST the most important thing in a relationship?
TRUE LOVE?
As mentioned by Karen (Emma Thompson) in Love Actually, “True love lasts a lifetime.”
Of course true love lasts a last time. But true love should also come from both parties, not merely from one side only. When we think about it, for Laila, ignorance is bliss. What would happen if she knew? Is honesty really the best policy? Is honesty the best thing that ever happens in a relationship? I don’t know. That’s why I think that trust is not the most important thing in a relationship. A person can trust another person so much but in the end, but how much is too much? Trust is nothing when you don’t know the truth. In the end, trust is nothin’ but just a word.
Yes I know that we should think positive in life. Without faith, without trust, how can you ever have a decent relationship right? Don’t get me wrong, I still think that trust is crucial, but not number one.
For me, the most important thing in a relationship is COMPROMISE. Or in other words, the DEGREE OF TOLERANCE.
As I mentioned earlier, “to win in marriage, learn to lose.” I came across this wise quotation in an article in Reader’s Digest a few months ago. Don’t remember which issue though.Until we’re able to truly accept and acknowledge our partner’s differences, then that will be a good time to settle down. To get married.
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
"How do I know if I married the right person?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.. Because it's happening TO YOU..
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU..
Falling in love is easy . It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship . Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies , instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown . People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love.. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable.. you can "make"love ..
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. Not just a feeling.
Remember this always :
"Allah SWT determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
Nobody’s perfect. I’m a nobody.
Don’t TRUST this article. Hehe. Oh I don't have any hidden agenda behind this article. And not hoping to get laid. Thank you.
just my 2cents at 6:28 PM |
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